From middle school, where mean girls horrifically bullied me (hence I cannot watch the movie Mean Girls), to the point I cut myself badly, to wanting to commit suicide and almost succeeding, until a Savior came in finally to pull me out of the misery I was in. And more than just my Savior, I gave my life to someone who’d been watching me all along in the building. This is what the mean girls told me, “You should go kill yourself because this school, this country, and this world did not deserve to have you around because your life is toxic to everyone around you.”
Right before I was going to end it all my Savior and the one in the same building who knew I was
being bullied but to afraid to ask for help had this written on the CD with the song “Cry Out to Jesus” by Third Day said: “Daughter of the King of kings you are worth it and God will always be by your side no matter what. He did not create you to take your own life by your own hand. You are worth the fight, and don’t let anyone change who you are meant to be. Just be you and shine bright for Him, no matter what.” This event alone brought me to my knees and led me to give my life to Jesus for the first time at camp, and since then, my life has been a rollercoaster of good, bad, and the ugly.
As a reference, in my recent life, I was bullied by two women, one who happens to be 30 years older than me, over false accusations and lies. That brings me to another line told to me: “If you’re gonna cry, just leave,” which has become a trigger, but has also made me realize God is bigger than anything that could ever happen to me.
I will still be alive to carry on my message to others who went through, are going through, or will
go through, and to let them know they can and will overcome, as I have. In the most recent months I have been bullied again but this time as been much worse due to the fact I was lied to about it all and the person who actually did said they were my “friend” and only until my bosses came to me and told me making me realize how can I trust people again and who am I really, will I ever be able to make a genuine friend. In the end, we’ll wait. This is the beginning of finding who I am and letting Jesus be my everything in all that I do. As He will never leave me or abandon me, so he makes me know that He is my best friend and will lead me to who I am, which is somebody who chose to stay because everybody needs a friend who makes them who they are meant to be—a child of God, precious one whom He loves more than anything. Romans 8:28-30 and Philippians 4:6-7 help me every day, so I hope that if you are going through something—anything—you choose to stay because there is someone out there who needs you to show them the way to who they are.
With all this, I want to share with you a poem I wrote through it all, entitled:
Who I Am
Feeling all alone
I don’t know where to go
Having lost trust
When will I be able to again
Jesus
That is all I need
He keeps me going
The best friend I ever need
To know who I am
Feeling so broken
I don’t know when it’ll stop
Having lost myself
When will I be able to heal
Lord
That is who I need
He keeps me together
The best friend to hold me
To show me healing comes
Feeling forgotten
I don’t know who will see me
Having lost my joy
When will I be found by You
Savior
That is what brings me back
He keeps me found
The best friend to catch me
To show me I’m still here
Feeling like a failure
I don’t know why this keeps happening
Having lost it all
When will a legacy be lived
Messiah
That is who shows me the way
He keeps my head up and here
The best friend to pull me from rock bottom
To show me I’m here still for a reason
Jesus, Savior
Always here for me
Lord, Messiah
Never, ever gonna abandon
Father, Son
A precious daughter in an eternal family
Waiting for a glorious reunion
To see Papaw, Mama, and Nana one day soon
Bringing me to my knees, broken and a mess
Knowing beauty from the ashes
It will be my reward because of You
On my cross, my sins are gone forever
To the one who am I, precious child of the one true God
About the Author
I am a Christian who truly believes in Jesus Christ and knows that He is coming back soon to take
His bride home. Writing makes me feel alive and shows what truly matters to me. I currently live
in Ohio. I’ve gone on mission trips to Jamaica, China, Thailand, and South Africa where there I have amplified my love for writing and it brought me to realize this is what I am meant to do with my life. And that is be a beacon of hope and light to others who’ve gone through or are going through what I went through to show them they can overcome like I did. I am still writing to this day, and I will never stop no matter what because my story is not over yet until God calls me home to live on forever and ever. I recently got married to my best friend whom God gave me. I am an infant teacher currently at Primrose Schools but trying to pursue writing goals and becoming a speaker to travel the country spreading my big God story to those who truly need to hear they have an advocate to show them they can overcome.
