Living with bipolar 1 disorder is complex and there is an enemy who is very real and wants to take you out. He knows all the right buttons to push. His main goal? To destroy you and your life. He wants to make you think that you are not strong enough to make it out of the darkness. He doesn’t want you to live in the light. He seeks to mislead you and the direction that God wants you to go. You, my sister in Christ, have got to uncover him, unveil him, beat him at his game. When you fall into depression, he wants you to stay there. Believe me, I know how hard it is when you are in the pit of despair. Where I went wrong many times was pushing God away in the depression and letting the enemy win. And he would. For days, weeks, months, even years at a time. I have learned over the past 24 years what my unique mental health tool kit consists of in order to take care of myself, but also to be proactive in my faith. Each of our mental health tool kits will look differently because no two persons are the same. What will stay the same, is the steady and constant God that we serve. He has never failed me yet and never will.
The battle of living with bipolar disorder is daily. You never know what a day is going to bring and Spiritual warfare does not take a day off. Satan can be both the roaring lion and the sheep. Our walk needs to be intentional. “Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.” (Eph.6:10, NIV)-so that we can “stand against the devil’s schemes.” (v. 11) He will cause you to doubt yourself and the gifts that God has given you. He seeks to destroy your whole prayer life so you feel all alone. He is a manipulator, a family destroyer, and wants you to stay and live in complete chaos of mania or depression. He constantly reminds you of your past mistakes so you won’t truly forgive yourself and move on. He is the ruler of creating anxiety, fear, and all those voices in your head telling you that this time you aren’t going to make it. He keeps you from your friends, from your church. He uses every opportunity to make you feel bitter about having to live with a serious mental illness. Satan will do anything to cause a wedge to destroy you and your life.
Until we are ready to let it go and trust that God is going to see us through, you are going to continue to spin your wheels. God doesn’t want to see you suffer. He doesn’t want an illness to rule your life. He wants you to lay it all at the feet of Jesus. We have to be consistent in our prayer life, press into the word of God, and be mindful at making good choices. Don’t let Satan take you from the things that bring you joy. Be a servant to do what God is calling you to do.
I had a weak core. Living with bipolar disorder brought me shame, secrecy, silence, and constant stigma. You have to know and understand when the pain and suffering becomes too much to bear, your only way out is by taking care of yourself and through the blood of Jesus. “Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32, NIV) “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light.” (Eph. 5:8, NIV) God is light. Satan is darkness. When you are living in the truth of God, everything else will fall into place. When you don’t know what to do, seek God. He will give you the answers you are longing for.
