Loving Someone with a Mental Illness

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (ESV)

Each February, couples around the world celebrate Valentine’s Day, pledging their love for each other. A popular day for weddings, almost 20,000 couples choose to begin their lives as husband and wife on Valentine’s Day. During the ceremony, ministers regularly quote 1 Corinthians 13, known as the Love Chapter. While these verses are a perfect addition to their wedding vows, Paul did not write them specifically for married couples. Instead, his intention was for all believers to learn to love others as Jesus loves us.

I am the mother of a son who lives with mental illness and addiction. Because he is my son, I love him no matter what. But if I am honest, it is not always easy to live out my love for him in the way these verses instruct us. Unlike God’s love, my love is flawed and imperfect. However, despite its shortcomings, my love for my son will never end. I will love him through anything he goes through. I will love him when his mental illness makes it challenging or when addiction raises its ugly head. Why? Because he is and always will be my son––one of God’s greatest blessings in my life. And because Jesus loves me in my sin, weakness, and brokenness, I can love my son with this same unconditional love.

When we consider the Bible’s description of love, we realize it is more than a feeling––it is an action or series of actions. Love puts the other person’s needs and feelings before our own. How important is it we love people with the love God has for us? Love is so important that everything else we do pales in comparison.

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing (emphasis mine). If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.” 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 (ESV)

Love is the greatest gift we can give another person––especially someone who is suffering mentally or physically. But what does love look like when we feel overwhelmed as their family, friend, or caregiver? How do we love like Jesus when our loved ones are experiencing a mental health crisis? Jesus modeled for us how to love when the people we love are suffering. He sought the hurting and oppressed and showed His love for them not only with His words, but by His actions.

“Greater love has no one than this, than someone lay down his life for his friends.” John

Jesus calls us to lay down our lives for our friends, but He does not ask us to do so to the point of losing ourselves in the process. Instead, He shows us how to love in a manner that helps the other person while still caring for our own needs. Consider these five practices as you come alongside those who are living with mental illness.

1. Pray – Ask the Lord to show you the heart of your loved one. In what ways do they need support? Pray for wisdom as you encourage them in their strengths and help them in their weaknesses.
2. Partner – Ask your loved one how you can partner with them in caring for their mental health. They may ask for accountability in taking their medications and keeping their medical appointments. They may simply need someone to be there for moral support or for crisis intervention.
3. Plan – It is imperative to have a plan in place in case of emergencies. I recommend forming a team of family, friends, and professionals who can support you and your loved one when the need arises.
4. Presence – Do not underestimate the power of presence in your loved one’s life. Checking in on them, lending a listening ear, or offering to pray reminds them how much you care about them and what they are going through.
5. Perseverance – On this journey there will be both good days and days that are extremely challenging. This is when you will need to practice perseverance as you remind your loved one not to give up, but to remember how loved and valuable they are to you and to God.

As you seek to love others, may you sense God’s abundant love in your life and heart. Loving like Jesus is not about loving perfectly. Instead, as you receive God’s love, you will be able to pour His love out to those who need it most.

“So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three, but the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13 (ESV)

Bio:

Dawn Ward is a speaker, writer, and Bible teacher. She is the founder of The Faith to Flourish, a ministry equipping women to live transformed lives through inspiring teaching, mentoring, and biblical resources. The ministry also offers support and encouragement to women with addicted loved ones. She is married to Steve and mom to three adult children. Dawn lives in Las Vegas, Nevada, where she prefers scenic mountain hikes over the lure of the city lights. When she is not busy writing or serving in the Women’s Ministry of her local church, you will find her hanging out with her dogs and reading a good book. Dawn’s new book, From Guilt to Grace: Hope and Healing for Christian Moms of Addicted Children is available for order.

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