You just finished pouring your heart out to God. Why is it that oftentimes when we are desperate to hear from God, He remains silent? Question after question is asked. Where are you, God? Do you even see me? What have I done? Why do you remain silent? Say something, anything…please! After weeks, months, and even years pass slowly by, your faith begins to go dry. You think to yourself why is He abandoning me? What is the purpose in all of this pain? Why is He leaving me to deal with this hurt, this illness, this loss of a loved one, this divorce all on my own? Why is He not answering and what then are we supposed to do?
In these times, doubt and frustration creep in and surround you. Even in the pain, you have to know that He is there. He has not just up and quit on you. Just because there is silence and your world seems stone cold, God is never still. He is constantly working for our good. This is hard to see at times when forced to deal with tremendous pain and suffering. Because of such adversity in our lives, many people face damage to their faith. I know I did. I wrestled with the Kingdom of Satan and his armies too many times to even count. Don’t listen to the lies that will play like a record round in round in your head. I had felt forgotten and didn’t understand why I had to live with a brain based illness or the constant stigma that made me feel small and less than a person. I can boldly and confidently say that God will use your adversity to accomplish His will and purpose for our lives. So what do we do in the meantime?
My journey living with bipolar 1 disorder has been anything but easy. It is the fiercest and hardest battle that I have ever faced and will continue to fight the many colors of moods for the rest of my life. The difference now is that I fully trust Him when I didn’t in all trials I had faced before. There was always room for doubt after each blow was given. I didn’t fully trust that I was one day going to live a fulfilled life. That I would get married, have a family of my own, have a career. Through all these years He was working on building my character and working on accomplishing the good and perfect will that He had crafted for my life from the beginning. You will face many trials in your life that will crush you. Trials that will try and taint your Spiritual beliefs. I promise you God is interested in your hurt, your pain, your suffering. If you allow God to take the lead, He has something very special waiting for you on the other side. God may be silent, but he is never still.
