Hello Bipolar Depression

The woman beneath the smile is no longer smiling. She feels depleted, worn down, nothing left to give. The thoughts try to creep inside her head that she can’t do this anymore. She can’t handle another round of spiraling down into the abyss of darkness. Hello, bipolar depression! This is not the type of depression that can be shaken off with a good run or a positive attitude. This kind of depression you have no control over and can lead you into a very dark place that will continue to mess with your mind. This is the kind of depression where you need to arm yourself with all the mental health weapons that you have found that work best for you in order to survive. If you don’t know what those are yet, keep fighting. You will, but it can take time. You can’t look in the mirror on days like these and feel good enough. You can barely lift a toothbrush to brush your teeth or run a comb through your hair. The weight is just too heavy. You’re lucky if you eat at all or you succumb to eating junk food because you do not have the energy to make anything that would be nutritious and good for you. You try to block all the negativity and the lies that are swirling around in your head. Your only escape to turn down the noise that is blaring in your brain is to crawl back into bed. You hope that you can sleep away the noise. The thoughts that are plaguing you on days like these will try and beat you down into non-existence. Right now you find it hard to be around people. Everything seems to annoy you or can easily aggravate you. You are sensitive to noises that might alarm how you will react. The brain fog and not being able to concentrate drives you mad. You no longer find joy in anything that you once loved. And yes, it can happen just that fast. Two days ago you were conquering the world, moving mountains on a high from being manic. Today, you can barely get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other. The simplest of tasks like trying to start a load of laundry, or doing some dishes that are piled in the sink makes you sick to your stomach and overwhelmed. You try to keep fighting, to keep pushing through because you have lived with the condition for so long that you have the drill down pat. You know what this day is going to bring. Everything moves in slow motion and you are going to need all the help you can get.

On days like these I encourage you to, “lift up your eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip” (Psalm 12:1-3, NIV). Don’t think for one minute that God doesn’t hear our groaning. “God heard their groaning and he remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac and with Jacob. So God looked on the Israelites and was concerned about them” (Exodus 2:24-25, NIV).

In our seasons of waiting, in our seasons of being in the wilderness, we must focus our attention on the faithfulness of our God. The deliverance of the Hebrews came after forty years of living in bondage. No matter how long the wait or the trial is, through difficult seasons and deep waters, we must remain confident that His promises will never fail. Don’t listen to the lies. Remind yourself as many times as you need to that you are a child of the King. You know who you are because you know Him. You can’t be silent with God when the depression hits. This is when you need to lean in harder. Don’t let depression take the upper hand. Fight. If you can only get a shower on these days, that is okay. Tomorrow, fight again, and again until you are back up on your feet. He will be there to meet you in this season when
colors can quickly change from light to dark. Boldly trust Him and ask Him to equip you with His strength to see you through the day. You are not going to win by fighting this battle alone. It is only with the victory of Christ, our battlefield of our mind can fully be conquered.

“God is within her, she will not fail” (Psalm 46:5, NIV).