“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.” Psalm 39:7 ESVYou’re filled with an unfamiliar surge of energy.
“Rockin around the Christmas tree
At the Christmas party hop
Mistletoe hung where you can see
Every couple tries to stop.”
Christmas songs filled the air as we kids waited with anticipation for Santa Claus to arrive.
Impatiently, I had already searched under the tree more than once when my mom wasn’t looking
to count the number of presents with my name written on them. From what I could tell, the yellow
bicycle with a banana seat, purple grips, and matching streamers wouldn’t fit under the tree.
“Maybe Santa is bringing that one,” I thought to myself. “He’ll make sure it fits.”
Despite my parents’ efforts to spoil us with Christmas presents they’d put on layaway months
before, I couldn’t shake my apprehension about the holidays. Although Christmas was supposed
to be the most wonderful time of the year, I tiptoed into the season, walking on eggshells, and
hoping my father wouldn’t start drinking and spoil the holiday spirit. If that happened, the day
would end on a sour note, with everyone upset, unkind words spoken, and an abundance of tears
shed.
Now that I am an adult with adult children of my own, I often experience that same foreboding as
the holidays approach. At the first appearance of Halloween decorations in September, I slip on
my Scrooge cap and start complaining. My “bah-humbug” attitude is the first warning sign that
my mood is shifting. Expecting that these holidays will be no different from the previous 60 plus,
low-grade anxiety and depression creep in like ominous clouds on a winter’s day.
It was only recently that I became aware of my low expectations for the holidays. If I planned to
be disappointed, maybe they wouldn’t be such a letdown. While I worked feverishly to make them
special for my children, I carried with me a sense of impending doom. When addiction entered
our family by way of my sons, my fears became a reality. The Ghost of Christmas Past was now a
regular, yet unwanted visitor
“Peace on earth and good will to men? Bah-humbug!” Although my heart desired peace during
the holidays, I knew from past experiences that they would likely be filled with stress, worry,
arguments, and even heartbreak. But there were still moments of intense joy where the awesome
presence of God outweighed the chaos we were experiencing.
As this holiday season approaches, I vacillate between feelings of hopeful expectation and
hopeless dread. I’ve decided to land somewhere in the middle. You see, whether Christmas is a
bust or a blessing, it is our Christmas, a mixed bag of highs and lows, but also full of love. As
I’ve learned to manage my expectations, I’ve come to understand that I have no control over how
the holidays will turn out for our family. In doing so, I’ve embraced a new sense of God’s peace
in my life. While I still struggle emotionally during this time of year, I am also learning to
approach it with joyful expectation, fixing my eyes on Jesus instead of our family’s issues.
Managing Our Expectations
“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!” Luke
2:14 ESV
What do your expectations look like for this holiday season? For most people, the holidays usher
in feelings of anticipation, hope, and good cheer. For those of us who celebrate the birth of
Jesus, this season is a time of rejoicing. Still, despite all the anticipation this season brings, it
also brings with it expectations of what the holidays should look like. Christmas is a season of
togetherness. We expect it to be a joyous occasion, but during the difficult times in our lives, it
carries with it the risk of disappointment.
For those who are struggling this year, your expectation may feel more like wishful thinking. If
you are unemployed or have experienced a recent job loss, this holiday will be especially
difficult. For others, the illness or death of a loved one may have stolen the joy of the season,
replacing it with intense grief. If you suffer from mental health issues, the emotions you are
experiencing may seem overwhelming. As we approach the holidays, one thing is certain. We will
need to manage our expectations by expecting the unexpected, or at least understanding that
things don’t always go according to our plans.
This Lord alone is the reason we celebrate Christmas. He is always with us. He does not let us
down. He does not skip out on the holiday feast. He is the one steady we can count on this
Christmas season. He will not leave us disappointed, like the family member who failed to call or
come by. He will not crush our spirits with unkind words hurtfully spoken around the holiday
dinner table.
Because Jesus cares about us, we can pour our hearts out before him. We can tell him our hopes
and dreams for the holidays. We can ask him to manage our expectations. And if we end up being
disappointed, we can run to Him for comfort and healing. Here are ways that I have learned to
manage my expectations during the holidays.
Be Content in All Things
“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of
being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or
in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13
Paul the Apostle had a positive outlook even in the face of hardship. He suffered tremendously
because of his work spreading the gospel of Jesus Christ. Beatings, prison, persecution. Still, he
could state emphatically that he was content.
But Paul didn’t say that contentment came to him easily. He says that he had “learned” the
secret to being content. What secret? The secret of his contentment during good times and bad
came from the strength God gave him. Instead of setting his sights on what he didn’t have, he
kept them on his eternal treasures, the gifts that matter most.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is
pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think
about such things.” Philippians 4:8
The secret to staying content during the holidays is learning to be content in all things. Like
Paul; contentment begins by accepting the things we cannot change and changing those we can.
Then we leave the rest to God.
Be Hopeful When Facing Unexpected Disappointment
“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces
perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame,
because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been
given to us.” Romans 5:3-5
Let’s face it. Some of us are really suffering this year. Staying hopeful gets harder the longer our
trial wears on. In these verses, we read that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance
produces character, and character produces hope. It is a chain reaction in suffering. Why?
Because God’s love is at work in our hearts.
The enemy wants to convince us we should give up. Perhaps the problem isn’t with what we are
hoping for, but where we place our hope. We are often tempted to hope in our relationships, our
government, our bank accounts, or in our careers. All will let us down sometimes. When we put
our hope in the Lord, we move beyond our circumstances and disappointments. Our stamina for
withstanding our trials grows, as does our character.
“but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31
Hoping in the Lord means transferring our burdens to him. As he transforms our hearts and
minds, we will begin to think, speak, and act like children of hope.
Be Joyful in Jesus
“I have told you these things so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete.”
John 15:11
Being joyful when the holidays are stressful or painful can seem impossible. If your child,
spouse, or family member is hurting or struggling, it may even feel hypocritical. I mean, how are
we supposed to be happy when they are in turmoil?
This joy is not merely being happy because things are going our way. It is a gift from Jesus to us
as believers. His joy produces in us a sense of calm delight, a sense of well-being. It is a feeling
of being satisfied right where we are at this moment.
This was the secret to Jesus’ joy. He was always satisfied. He wasn’t walking around with a
feeling of impending doom, even knowing what lay ahead for him. He felt joy because he trusted
in His Father, not in his circumstances. His joy overpowered his darkest circumstances.
“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have
tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
Jesus continually encouraged his followers to be joyful and of good cheer. He pretty much came
up with the saying, “Don’t worry. Be happy!” When faced with a crisis, my happiness usually
flies right out the window. If you are like me, I could use some of this calm joy to carry me
through the season.
So how do we have the kind of joy that can calmly and optimistically face our most painful life
events? Prior to the promise of joy, Jesus gave his disciples this command. “Remain in me and I
in you” (John 15:4). Here, Jesus teaches He is the vine, and we are the branches. He is the
source and sustainer of our very lives. Our secret weapon for being joyful is remaining in Jesus
and his remaining in us.
“You have made known to me the ways of life; You will make me full of joy in Your presence.”
Without Him, we can do nothing, not even be joyful. Learning how to look forward to the
holidays with joyful expectation comes when we accept things may not always go our way, but
with Jesus we have joy. And this is the true meaning of the season.
Merry Christmas. May Jesus reign in your hearts, and may you have joy unspeakable.
Written by:
Dawn R. Ward
November 2024
Dawn
BIO
Dawn Ward is a speaker, writer, and biblical life coach. She is the founder of The Faith to Flourish, a ministry offering support and encouragement to women with addicted loved ones. Dawn also equips women to live transformed lives through inspiring teaching, mentoring, and biblical resources. She is married to Steve and mom to three adult children. Her book, From Guilt to Grace: Hope and Healing for Christian Moms of Addicted Children, published September 2024, is now available.
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