Last January during our Sunday morning service the Pastor asked this question. What does the blood stained cross mean to you and what are you going to do about it? Are you willing to give it all like Christ did for us? That question changed the trajectory of my life. He who is in me is greater than He who is in this world. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. You have to choose who you want to follow and I was done with letting my illness take the upper hand. It was like all of a sudden I got this super natural boldness within myself that I didn’t care if people were going to know that I lived with bipolar 1 disorder. I wanted to take the mask off once and for all. I was done with being silent and hiding this part of myself like I should be ashamed for being diagnosis with a chronic illness.
Since last January, I have immersed myself in advocacy work for mental illness. I began to share my story with others. I was able to finally move into a different stage of life. The stage where I was able to take up my cross and let His light shine to show others what He has done for me. For years, I didn’t trust that I would ever reach this point in my life. I didn’t trust that He was going to finish what He started within me. I didn’t trust I was ever going to be well enough to help another. He has shown me over the years just how broken that I was. The difference now is that I know that I am perfectly loved and with His shield of protection, nothing is impossible. Not even living a fulfilled life with bipolar disorder. I live each day as a gift. I am not afraid of life. I am proud of who I am today. He was with me every step of the way within each trial that I have had to endure and will continue to be with me through my future trials in life. I wouldn’t be the person that I am today if I didn’t learn through my suffering, through all the pain. “Do not be afraid for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)
For many years, I didn’t know what my purpose in life was. I didn’t understand the constant waging war of just trying to survive living with bipolar 1 disorder. Even in the valley and season of falling into the “black hole” you have to trust the plan and steps that He is establishing for your life. You can’t try and figure it out, you simply have to trust. That is what faith is all about. All the “black holes” in your life are molding you and preparing you for something greater that will bring him the glory in order for you to leave all your begging in the darkness behind. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3: 5-6)
Do you believe that you can live a fulfilled life living with a serious mental illness? Are you going to trust that God is going to provide you a way out?
Living with a serious mental illness is one of the hardest battles you will ever face in life. I pray that in addition to taking care of yourself like needed that you wear the belt of truth, put on the breastplate of righteousness, protect your feet with the gospel of peace, take up the shield of faith, fight with the sword of the Spirit, and protect your mind by wearing the helmet of salvation where most of the battles are either won or lost. I want you to win this war. I want for you what He has done for my life and continues to do. Never stop fighting, never loose hope, and never be ashamed of who you are. You can win this war. “Your giant may be big but it is not bigger than Jesus.” (Louie Giglio)
